black roses fade


It’s been a while since we’ve last talked. I know this is awkward.

It is for me too. I know it’s too far for us to go back;

Back to how it used to be: back to how it should be.

But it’s already too late. But I still want to let you know;

Something I should have told you back when it started.

I’m sorry. For things that I intentionally did.

For the things I didn’t realize I did. For the things I will now do.

I’m so sorry for it all. I just hope you can forgive me.

I’ve already forgiven you. You’ve hurt me pretty bad as well.

I wonder if you have deep conversations with her.

If she listens to you like I did. If she understands you.

Cause it seems like she doesn’t. I guess you never wanted a good friend.

You only wanted shallow ones. I hope that makes you happy now.

You didn’t want a deep bound; even when we were friends.

You were surprised at how close we got.

I wonder if you are surprised how it ended so easily.

I am. I’m so hurt. I want to blame her.

I want to blame you for all of this.

But I’ll take responsibility; it’s the right thing to do.

It hurts to talk like this; like kids forced to apologize by their parents.

But if I don’t force myself; I’ll never apologize.

I would never reconcile with myself. I hope you can move on.

I see you’ve already found happiness. Take care of it.

Learn from the mistakes we’ve made; don’t repeat them again.

Treasure your friends. Protect them from their enemies.

Protect them from each other. Protect them from themselves.

Like I once tried; like I once did.

Even now I care deeply for you: I wonder if you know that.

I guess you never will. You probably think I hate you.

I don’t. But you’ll never know that: will you?

Besides, I’m letting you go. It’s best that it ends like this.

Mending things won’t work. Please don’t make the same mistakes again.

Please find happiness in your life. Please don’t miss me too much.


A Reminiscent Friend



Psalm 46,1-2


Oh Lord, how I struggle against you

How I hurt inside

You know why it all happens


Oh Lord, my enemies surround me

They wait to catch me off guard

You will protect me from all harm


Oh Lord, they feed me with despair

I am forced to drink their lies

You are the hope that cleanses me


Oh Lord, my friends abandon me

I am alone and frightened

You are the friend that never leaves


Oh Lord, the demons attack me

My weaknesses are known

You protect my blindside


Oh Lord, the world turns against me

I am persecuted by it

You prepare a reward your servant


Oh Lord, as I breathe my final breath

As I stare death in the face

You Lord will finally take me home




I wonder why you stare at me like that.

I feel them when I’m not looking;

My skin prickles from the feeling of their gaze.


I look up and my eyes lock onto yours;

Such a deep stare we hold,

Each probing and digging into the others head.


Our eyes attract attention:

My kaleidoscope eyes and your hazel eyes

Are drawn to the auras we both ooze.


Your eyes they bore intensely into my mind.

I hate the feeling of it, but still I fall into them;

Like an ominous cave, I still choose to wander inside.


How can your eyes be so attractive,

Yet so intrusive at the same time?

Frightening and exciting; the anticipation thrills me.


Yet we say nothing to each other,

We only stare deep into each other’s eyes,

Waiting for the day when our voices join the struggle.



Ode To The Stars


You were the one by my side

 When there was no one else

You were the one who brushed off my back

When I fell down

You were the one who was always there for me

When I needed someone to listen

You were the one with the tissue box

To wipe my tears away

You were the one to make me smile

When all I knew was to frown

You were the one that healed my broken heart

When it was falling apart

You were the one who gave me a new song

When I had grown tired of singing

You were the one who gave me this story

When I had lost all hope

You were the one and will continue to be the one

I will write endlessly of our story

I will tell it to all who cross my path

And I will sing it to the stars

That all will remember us

And sing it for me

Long after

I have lost

My voice