Waves of Misery

The waves of misery come towards me in waves

I stand on the shoreline, watching them go in and out

Some days the waves come, only barely soaking

The tips of my toes and the edges of my sole

Other days it comes rushing into me

Splashing roughly against my legs, soaking my torso

Today, the tide has come in slowly

Creeping, seeping into my clothes

Rising higher and higher up my body

Until it went over my head, enveloping me

Yes, drowning even now as it’s over my head

That’s how mesmerized and traumatized I am

By the waves that have taken you away from me

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Scene #1

“Is there anything else,” he said gruffly,

“Anything else that I should know?”

Looking deep into my eyes

Those green eyes I had loved

“Shawn and I,” tearfully I said

“I know,” he said and in that instant

I regretted that this curt, analytical,

Forceful man, was exactly

What I had asked for- what I wanted.

3.12.17

I think of you and the memories we’ve shared

But now you’re not here

And I can’t help but feel empty.

Sometimes when I think I’m over it

I suddenly think of you and you’re there

Again, tears spill down my face.

I know that this can’t summon you

That it’s pointless to cry for something

That in this life will never be able to share

A cuddle or a nuzzle of love again.

I just want you to know

If you’re somewhere out there

And maybe, if you’re able to hear me

That even after all this time

I still miss you and will always care.

Pained

I thought concealing the truth was best

Kept hidden in deep darkness was laid

Let those secrets never see light again

If I keep them all there

Then you would never have to hurt

For your or my sake

So why are things so complicated?

In your eyes I only see pain

You want me to bring them to light

But I’ve resolved to keep them out of sight

I do want to let you have your way

Yet don’t cause I can’t stand your tears

If you knew you’d hurt so much more

However would this actually hurt you

When I’ve already pained

Your heart so many times before?

Are You Really You?

Why can’t I move forward?

Can I never let go of you?

You are still a constant

On the tangents of my thoughts.

But why do you linger on?

Is it because of that indecision

So many years ago

That continues to haunt me

Those unresolved feelings

And emotions have come to rot

And decay in the empty wasteland

Of my bitter heart?

Or is it because that

I nursed those wistful feelings

For so many years and

When the chance came to

Reveal all those harbored secrets

I only discover that you’ve

Become someone that I don’t know?

Who are you now?

Where have your feet taken you?

Who are you anymore?

Are you really you?

Who is Belle?

You say you love me truely

But soon you will realize and find

That the love that I offer

Is cruel, hurtful and blind.

Yes, it’ll cause you to lose your mind.

You’ll feel it slowly unwind

And scatter into pieces

Like everyone else

Who ever touched me.

Despite the warnings that I’ve said

You still reach and call my name

In an endless refrain.

Do you know that it drives me insane?

Why do you continue to chase

In the name of my love?

Why continue to hurt yourself

Cause you won’t drop this game?

You call me your Belle

To your horrid, wretched Beast

When in reality I am the Beast

With only the appearance of Belle.

You were always Belle

Both inside your heart and out.

In only one way were you the Beast

And that was that you gave me

Your heart so unconditionally

With a vague hope that it’d be returned

Eventually, like in the movies.

But this is real life, not cinema

In the end, you’ll only be burned.