Dear So & So

Dear So & So,

It’s been 5 years— I wonder if you’d recognize me; this face, this countenance, the expressions I make.

Would I recognize you? If I did, it wouldn’t surprise me. To remember your smirk, your reserved mannerisms earnestly reaching towards me, the way that your eyes would crinkle upwards as you gave a genuine laugh— would I?

Are you still the same? Cause what I don’t remember is the sound of my name on your lips, articulated by your tongue and echoed through your diaphragm. I don’t remember the sound of your laugh whether it was light and happy or if it was given nervously, timidly as if you were scared that someone would take it and force it back into your mouth and swallow down the reason why you ever dared to open up.

I also don’t remember the look that your eyes had. What I like to think is that they looked lost.I believe that they did— no. I know that they did. That the way your eyes looked out into the world was as if they desired, longed, wished, wanted, lusted— that all their owner ever wanted, needed was someone to ease their loneliness. I think, I think that they looked at me that way. They told me that it was me. I thought that it was me.

Yet, 5 years have told me otherwise. The way that my phone doesn’t ring, the way that a message with your face doesn’t appear, the way that my email inbox doesn’t have your name attached to it: they all tell me it wasn’t me. Right now, I finally realize, I finally know that it wasn’t me.

So if I saw you at a glance, would I recognize you? Yes, I would, but I’ll pretend that I didn’t.

Wishing you the best, even though I do not know what that means anymore.

Sincerely,

Saying that I don’t care

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A Cry to the Nation

What I see when I look out on these streets is

Swarming moving masses like the hardworking ant or the busy bee

Ambitious, striving to a certain goal

Uncaring, compassionless lacking in soul

They pass by the begging mother, the destitute brother

With a singular focus that never diverts to another

“Other;” that’s who you are, who we are

“An”other of those who aren’t active in furthering their lives

They treat us like trash and then ask why on welfare we reside

It’s an endless cycle that we can’t escape from

But they act like they’ve given us the tools when they’ve given us none

They act like they’ve been helping, but they’ve only been disrespecting

They have plenty of resources to spare, but nobody is sharing

It’s a constant struggle to survive

When we could get farther by repairing

And understanding

And coming to a place of open-mindedness

But ain’t nobody getting there

Until we open our hearts and share a little kindness

Instead, we just keep dissin’ and excuse my French, bitchin’

Everyone want their voices to be heard, but no one ready to listen.

Why does everyone act like issues are black or white,

When in reality they are so many shades of gray.

Is this what happened to the respect that we supposedly founded our nation?

What happened to using words with the right connotation?

Why can’t we look at one another and agree

That we are all sisters and brethren,

Is it too hard to have that expectation?

And what happened to all those who call themselves Christians?

The ones claim that they are at the cripple’s bedside with Him?

The ones that say that they ate and cried with Him?

The ones who supposedly bled and died with Him?

Are they just content to see as did the Pharisee

And Roman spectator another man be

Picked up and slaughtered for just saying what he believed?

If we are a people called apart from all the nations

Then we need to be the first to take a stand

And show them all that the love of God

Still lives in beating hearts in this land.

Is God on my side?

I don’t know.

Is God on their side?

I don’t think so.

But I think that my God doesn’t want

Either side shooting more people.

 

Never Loved

Can you say that you actually loved him

With all those men that you’re rolling through,

Those comments you’re posting on the internet,

The unprecedented shade you’re throwing,

Blasting on him to whoever who will listen?

Good girl gone bad my bootylicious ass,

You were that way right from the start.

The way that you carry yourself tells me different,

You never really loved him to begin with.

 

 

In Due Time

in due time

The only thing that comforts me

As we’re divided by this great space

Is that the time that we will be reunited

Approaches with the turn of every day

Wrapped up in each other’s arms

We’ll forget about all this pain

We can grasp time by its slippery sides

So that it will stay in its place

 

But oh, what a small comfort it is

When my brain attacks me on all sides,

My family into enemies became,

All my allies have turned against me

Those who I once called “friend”

Have all run away

 

So, this is what loneliness is

The feeling of the reeling

The emptiness revealed

That had been once concealed

I knew loneliness before

But it hurts even more

Because I got used to

Living in the light with you

 

I’m attacked constantly

For myself I feel empathy

It’s becoming so hard to see

The end of the tunnel and I begin to feel so

Hopeless

Though inside I know it isn’t

Hopeless

And I try not to feel so

Hopeless

So I scream desperately inside

Trashing blindly about, trying to not die

Doing anything I can to keep alive-

 

As I cry myself to sleep at night

I try to comfort my tears with the light

That shines from your warm dark eyes

Which in my memory still shines bright

Since I can’t see them, I fantasize

For you I find reason to try

To continue this dismal life

Cause I know, that I’ll

Be with you in due time

Why For You

fallen ballerina

 

I thought I could trust you

I gave my all to you

Layed out my heart to you

Sacrificed my time for you

My limited life for you

Lay down and died for you

But now I see you

For who you are, yes you

And you used me, yes you

All this time did you

After all this time I think of you

And finally I wonder,

“How did I ever love you?”

Just A Little Faith

Ephesians 2 4-5

Cold belt around her throat
She’s beginning to choke
She sees stars and her vision clouds
She recalls his mocking face in the crowds
The pressure in her head exploding
Her brain is close to imploding
Her loneliness is tearing her apart
She hears silent whispers to her heart
Saying,
I love you
I love you
She screams
You never loved me at all
The whispers louder
I Love You
I Love You
She cries
You tricked me; so that I should crawl
The whispers intensify more
I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU
She releases and falls on the floor
He was the one who tricked her
He was the one deceived her
He never told her he loved her
Her heart made no sense at all
Why would it tell her these words
From someone who never gave his all?
And only then did she realise
Her heart was not trying
To trick her through his lies
It wasn’t him who hurt
Tricked and tossed her aside
But it was actually He
Speaking truth and true love
That he bought for her
With his own precious blood
He loved her
He loved her
He loved her
He wanted to save her
No matter the cost
That’s why he gave up his life
And died on that cross
How can it be, she cried
For my life for you to save
He tells her very softly
Only through grace
And it all can be yours
With just a little faith

The Tea Man

Man selling Chai.jpg

 

There again the tea man sits on the corner

Each day the same as the one before

Selling Chai to passer byers

Crying out for them to taste his herbs

He only barely scraps by one day to the next

Each investment for tea leaves quickly spent

He can never make enough money

To rise out of his poverty

 

Across the street from the vendor is a statue

Perhaps dedicated to either Brahma or Vishnu

It never calls for nor entreats

For the masses to bow at its feet

They come on their own from miles away

To pay homage in this very way

Of their troubles to the rock they attest

Hoping and praying that god listens at best

 

The irony of the tea man and the statue is

Neither of them will ever win

The tea man will never have enough customers that will buy

The statue is inanimate; it will never tell the truth or a lie

And all the misguided people are trapped in this twisted fate

They think by following they will be “free,” though they have no say

These cruel chains a “religion” has created to control the populace

When only true freedom is gained, when every chain is bought by grace