Tears flow from both eyes, a salty drink for my lips

With my lips, I drank you in

And with my eyes, I cried you out

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She Takes Long Showers Part 2.

She takes long showers,

Not because she needs to clean

Or that she takes her time,

But because it’s the only time

That her cold skin ever warms up;

Her frozen heart pumps with life.

Only then does she feel

Like nothing ever happened to her.

She can even pretend

That when she steps out

She won’t feel the shame

Cling to her skin again.

Then she would be fine—

She would never be fine,

Ever again.

Snap

Snap

Her family doesn’t like

Her boyfriend

What he talks about

How he calls her “Girl”

The way he treats her

They heard them arguing

Snapping

Growling

Screaming

 

They think that he hits her

So her brother hit him back

You could hear his nose snap

 

Her family tries

To tell her to let him go

To say no to him

To split them apart

 

She says that

They don’t know his heart

They don’t understand her

They don’t see them

For what they have

So until they do

She won’t see them

She’s had enough

They’ve pushed her so far

That she’s finally snapped

 

The apartment used to be clean

Because of her

The conversation had continued

Because of her

The meaning in their time together

Was all because of her

 

Now as the silence grows

As the dishes pile up

As time together matters less

Like the mess on the floor

She’s learned to not care

Just like him sitting on that couch

Eating his pile of snacks

Snapping up the silence

Dear So & So

Dear So & So,

It’s been 5 years— I wonder if you’d recognize me; this face, this countenance, the expressions I make.

Would I recognize you? If I did, it wouldn’t surprise me. To remember your smirk, your reserved mannerisms earnestly reaching towards me, the way that your eyes would crinkle upwards as you gave a genuine laugh— would I?

Are you still the same? Cause what I don’t remember is the sound of my name on your lips, articulated by your tongue and echoed through your diaphragm. I don’t remember the sound of your laugh whether it was light and happy or if it was given nervously, timidly as if you were scared that someone would take it and force it back into your mouth and swallow down the reason why you ever dared to open up.

I also don’t remember the look that your eyes had. What I like to think is that they looked lost.I believe that they did— no. I know that they did. That the way your eyes looked out into the world was as if they desired, longed, wished, wanted, lusted— that all their owner ever wanted, needed was someone to ease their loneliness. I think, I think that they looked at me that way. They told me that it was me. I thought that it was me.

Yet, 5 years have told me otherwise. The way that my phone doesn’t ring, the way that a message with your face doesn’t appear, the way that my email inbox doesn’t have your name attached to it: they all tell me it wasn’t me. Right now, I finally realize, I finally know that it wasn’t me.

So if I saw you at a glance, would I recognize you? Yes, I would, but I’ll pretend that I didn’t.

Wishing you the best, even though I do not know what that means anymore.

Sincerely,

Saying that I don’t care

Pained

I thought concealing the truth was best

Kept hidden in deep darkness was laid

Let those secrets never see light again

If I keep them all there

Then you would never have to hurt

For your or my sake

So why are things so complicated?

In your eyes I only see pain

You want me to bring them to light

But I’ve resolved to keep them out of sight

I do want to let you have your way

Yet don’t cause I can’t stand your tears

If you knew you’d hurt so much more

However, would this actually hurt you

When I’ve already pained

Your heart so many times before?

Are You Really You?

Why can’t I move forward?

Can I never let go of you?

You are still a constant

On the tangents of my thoughts.

But why do you linger on?

Is it because of that indecision

So many years ago

That continues to haunt me

Those unresolved feelings

And emotions have come to rot

And decay in the empty wasteland

Of my bitter heart?

Or is it because that

I nursed those wistful feelings

For so many years and

When the chance came to

Reveal all those harbored secrets

I only discover that you’ve

Become someone that I don’t know?

Who are you now?

Where have your feet taken you?

Who are you anymore?

Are you really you?

Who is Belle?

You say you love me truely

But soon you will realize and find

That the love that I offer

Is cruel, hurtful and blind.

Yes, it’ll cause you to lose your mind.

You’ll feel it slowly unwind

And scatter into pieces

Like everyone else

Who ever touched me.

Despite the warnings that I’ve said

You still reach and call my name

In an endless refrain.

Do you know that it drives me insane?

Why do you continue to chase

In the name of my love?

Why continue to hurt yourself

Cause you won’t drop this game?

You call me your Belle

To your horrid, wretched Beast

When in reality I am the Beast

With only the appearance of Belle.

You were always Belle

Both inside your heart and out.

In only one way were you the Beast

And that was that you gave me

Your heart so unconditionally

With a vague hope that it’d be returned

Eventually, like in the movies.

But this is real life, not cinema

In the end, you’ll only be burned.