Pained

I thought concealing the truth was best

Kept hidden in deep darkness was laid

Let those secrets never see light again

If I keep them all there

Then you would never have to hurt

For your or my sake

So why are things so complicated?

In your eyes I only see pain

You want me to bring them to light

But I’ve resolved to keep them out of sight

I do want to let you have your way

Yet don’t cause I can’t stand your tears

If you knew you’d hurt so much more

However would this actually hurt you

When I’ve already pained

Your heart so many times before?

Self-deprecation

Writing used to be my escape

A tonic to heal me when I felt faint

Now I realise that it was a trick of fate

To catch me blinded in my head-strong trait

Deceived to think that it would be an open gate

Only to realize that I’ve rushed in− I’ve taken the bait

That’s why now, my very soul is the one that I most hate

To Haha はは

I’m penniless

On my knees

Bones bout to break

Panting, wheezing

Time fading away

It’s hopeless, useless

No reason to keep

On living if this is

The only way

.

.

.

But then you come

You were there for me

Before anyone knew my beginning

You carried me

Nursed me to strength

Clothed and fed me

When I had nothing to give

You gave me reasons and purposes

To continue to live

.

.

.

Thank you Haha,

For giving me everything

And expecting nothing

In return

End Me

Anxious

Pop another pill

Stressed

Running against your will

Pressure

Keep pushing, that’s the drill

Depression

When all is finally still

Peace

Another hole to fill

Are You Really You?

Why can’t I move forward?

Can I never let go of you?

You are still a constant

On the tangents of my thoughts.

But why do you linger on?

Is it because of that indecision

So many years ago

That continues to haunt me

Those unresolved feelings

And emotions have come to rot

And decay in the empty wasteland

Of my bitter heart?

Or is it because that

I nursed those wistful feelings

For so many years and

When the chance came to

Reveal all those harbored secrets

I only discover that you’ve

Become someone that I don’t know?

Who are you now?

Where have your feet taken you?

Who are you anymore?

Are you really you?

She feared…

She was afraid of fire

Of the flaring flames

But she wasn’t aware

That she was the water

That could douse them

 

She was afraid of water

Of the deep, abysmal waves

But she wasn’t aware

That she was the air

That floated to the surface

 

She was afraid of the air

Of being above the clouds

But she wasn’t aware

That she was the earth

That kept her from falling

 

She was afraid of the earth

Of being trapped underground

But she wasn’t aware

That she was the metal

That dug her from her prison

 

She was afraid of metal

Of the sharp, blunt edge

But she wasn’t aware

That she knew the man

That held it in his grip

 

She was afraid of the man

Of his intense, obsessive eyes

But she was aware

That she couldn’t escape him

No matter who she was

 

Who is Belle?

You say you love me truely

But soon you will realize and find

That the love that I offer

Is cruel, hurtful and blind.

Yes, it’ll cause you to lose your mind.

You’ll feel it slowly unwind

And scatter into pieces

Like everyone else

Who ever touched me.

Despite the warnings that I’ve said

You still reach and call my name

In an endless refrain.

Do you know that it drives me insane?

Why do you continue to chase

In the name of my love?

Why continue to hurt yourself

Cause you won’t drop this game?

You call me your Belle

To your horrid, wretched Beast

When in reality I am the Beast

With only the appearance of Belle.

You were always Belle

Both inside your heart and out.

In only one way were you the Beast

And that was that you gave me

Your heart so unconditionally

With a vague hope that it’d be returned

Eventually, like in the movies.

But this is real life, not cinema

In the end, you’ll only be burned.