Self-deprecation

Writing used to be my escape

A tonic to heal me when I felt faint

Now I realise that it was a trick of fate

To catch me blinded in my head-strong trait

Deceived to think that it would be an open gate

Only to realize that I’ve rushed in− I’ve taken the bait

That’s why now, my very soul is the one that I most hate

Are You Really You?

Why can’t I move forward?

Can I never let go of you?

You are still a constant

On the tangents of my thoughts.

But why do you linger on?

Is it because of that indecision

So many years ago

That continues to haunt me

Those unresolved feelings

And emotions have come to rot

And decay in the empty wasteland

Of my bitter heart?

Or is it because that

I nursed those wistful feelings

For so many years and

When the chance came to

Reveal all those harbored secrets

I only discover that you’ve

Become someone that I don’t know?

Who are you now?

Where have your feet taken you?

Who are you anymore?

Are you really you?

She feared…

bridge girl.jpg

She was afraid of fire

Of the flaring flames

But she wasn’t aware

That she was the water

That could douse them

 

She was afraid of water

Of the deep, abysmal waves

But she wasn’t aware

That she was the air

That floated to the surface

 

She was afraid of the air

Of being above the clouds

But she wasn’t aware

That she was the earth

That kept her from falling

 

She was afraid of the earth

Of being trapped underground

But she wasn’t aware

That she was the metal

That dug her from her prison

 

She was afraid of metal

Of the sharp, blunt edge

But she wasn’t aware

That she knew the man

That held it in his grip

 

She was afraid of the man

Of his intense, obsessive eyes

But she was aware

That she couldn’t escape him

No matter who she was

 

Who is Belle?

You say you love me truely

But soon you will realize and find

That the love that I offer

Is cruel, hurtful and blind.

Yes, it’ll cause you to lose your mind.

You’ll feel it slowly unwind

And scatter into pieces

Like everyone else

Who ever touched me.

Despite the warnings that I’ve said

You still reach and call my name

In an endless refrain.

Do you know that it drives me insane?

Why do you continue to chase

In the name of my love?

Why continue to hurt yourself

Cause you won’t drop this game?

You call me your Belle

To your horrid, wretched Beast

When in reality I am the Beast

With only the appearance of Belle.

You were always Belle

Both inside your heart and out.

In only one way were you the Beast

And that was that you gave me

Your heart so unconditionally

With a vague hope that it’d be returned

Eventually, like in the movies.

But this is real life, not cinema

In the end, you’ll only be burned.

 

Ineffective

glitter.jpg

You stepped down and became my saving grace,

Away you have wiped the tears on my face,

From darkness you have pulled me into this place,

My unhappiness you continue to erase,

But now I can no longer write as I did once before,

So was the joy worth it to become a disgrace?

 

Cracking

kitsune mask.jpg

 

She stares at me; eyes piercing,

Into my tell tale heart revealing,

“Why are you so sad?”

She asks, with eyes so clear.

I can’t stand it that she’s so near.

The distance between us

Hasn’t dulled her senses one bit.

Behind my smiling, masked face

She can see the turmoil and disgrace,

I can’t help but fill with hope:

She can be my saving grace.

But I glance to the side and see her,

The one who took my place.

The one who had stolen that position.

Against her I hold no regrets,

Only that I had let myself forget

In a couple of blessed, cursed seconds,

That I no longer have the right to covet

Her time and company.

Our friendship; no longer as strong

As deep, as intertwined,

As in love as it once was.

I feel myself breaking as I say,

“I’m just tired; that’s all.”

I laugh it off on the outside

As I wail and weep on the inside.

She stares back at me

And I can see her soul

Cracking at my dishonesty.